Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Superstorm Sandy......aftermath

Misfit Island pet mom


We here in NJ and our neighbors on the east coast  really got hit hard , as I write this my thoughts are of  those who where lost and those still trying to survive.

As always with most things in life even through the worst of times there can be some humor.
So I'm including a few exerts from my diary. 

Day two of hurricane sandy . Cable and internet went out just as the storm started. Haven't seen any pictures, but the radio says its bad.The family is grateful ,we have power and are watching DVDs to pass the time.We heard they cancelled Halloween.

Three Days without TV,or internet,  running out of DVD's  and we are now turning on each other.

Mom called this morning to remind me that six days was long to be without cable. She never lost hers and was trying to be sympathetic. I informed her that I was past being grateful ,past "but others lost so much"and am now just bitter. I know, I know But i couldn't help it, I wanted TV and internet I needed to know what was going on out there.......
She then announced my father had just returned with  bus tickets to Atlantic City casino's . "Oh that's just what they need at the hurricane ravaged jersey shore I said "A bus full of old people waving quarters"."You two are gosh darn super hero's,saving the world one slot machine at a time."
 I didn't hear anything on the news ,But I could imagine the bus doors swing open, slowly they creep one by one down the steps, some toting oxygen tanks,walkers,canes some pushing wheelchairs ,but none moving fast enough to  ruffle their capes .
But they came ,these hero's, the grey and white hair brigade, with  pacemakers charged,orthopedic shoe's and alarmed pill dispenser cases. They came to do their part and save the Jersey shore with fists full of bus tokens and brandishing all you can eat buffet coupons.
and I thought...
On the statue of liberty it reads
Bring me your tired your poor,your huddled masses
send these the homeless,tempest tossed to me.
I really don't think she meant on a casino bus, from old people town.

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Thursday, September 27, 2012

What ever happened to Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web?

  I have never met a spider who sang like Debbie Reynolds, or sang at all.


Nope never! 
The only spiders I meet are big, scary, jumping creepy types that make webs big  enough to catch birds. This year has been the worst, every day there’s another record sized arachnid waiting to scare the shit out of me.  I hate them, all my life they have tormented me. Growing up, house spiders would gather at night on the ceiling around the hallway light. If I had to go to the bathroom at night I would run as fast as I could so they wouldn’t fall on me. I could hear them laughing and making fun of my pajamas.
I once gave my car to some kids in my apartment complex because I jumped out of it when a black jumping spider popped out of the sun visor.
On one occasion, home alone in my new house I had taken a shower then went into the kitchen for a drink. Standing at the sink I spied a large spider crawling across floor. I froze, "oh my God he’s getting away",the only thing worse than a spider, is a lost spider! So using the only thing near me, I grabbed the water sprayer and started squirting it, all that did was wet the floor and make the spider run faster. In a panic not to lose him, I gathered up my courage, ran over and stomped on him BOOM!
 Unfortunately, the wet floor and my slippers caused me to fly into and then out of the backdoor. Stunned, I laid sprawled out on the landing, that's when I realized that not only was there spider guts on my leg, but that my bathrobe hadn’t made the trip with me.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Happy Fall

I love this time of year, cooler daytime temperatures and snugly nighttime’s.
Here’s Bernie’s bed, notice  how empty it is......

Now, here’s my bed ...... ummmm, yea he’s not allowed on my bed ...

Every night I tuck him in his bed, cover him with his blanket and every morning I wake up spooning him!

Anyway, getting back to fall, growing up my sister and I used to take rides to look at the changing leaves.
We often made our way to Lancaster, PA. Up hills and down one lane roadways, getting lost in strange small towns. My sister had heard the Amish never had their photos taken because they thought it would steal there souls, she also heard they pinned their clothes together instead of using buttons. I don’t know if any of that was true, but every time we passed a horse drown covered Amish carriage she’d hang out the car window brandishing her camera, trying to snag her some Amish soul.
Then, she thought we should  ride through "Amish Townwith a giant magnet,  collecting all their pins and leaving a town full of half-naked Amish in our wake. Luckily for the Amish we never could find a giant magnet!!
On this particular trip my sister really wanted to eat in a family style restaurant as was very popular in that area. I had eaten family style on a trip with my parents years ago. It was horrible, being that I have a tricky stomach and don’t really like many things, family style dinning is risky at best. My father  brought us there with his grandparents and wanted to make a good impression, so through her smile, my mother pinched me and growled for me not to complain.
We were seated with other  people, which I hated because being small everyone wanted to look at me and ask me ,“how old are you ?”,“what grade are you in?", shit like that. Well, the hooded women started plunking down plates and bowls of food for the table. I ordered a cup of tea because they didn’t have soda. I watched as the dishes passed by for something, anything I could eat. Plate after plate nothing appealed to  me but I was starving! Finally, I spied a bowl of corn! YES ! I love corn! When the bowl finally made its way to me I picked up the spoon and looked into the bowl only to find a dead fly in it! Just as I saw it so did my mother, I looked at her ready to blow my top but as always, she did not want to make what she called a scene and once again through her smile I knew to say nothing.
Well, at least I had a bit of hard bread and oh yes, my tea, unfortunately  the teabag had broken in my cup and I resigned myself to bread and water.
So, you see why when my sister asked if we could eat in a family style restaurant, I freaked out.
I drove for miles passing every family style restaurant by. While I drove, my sister kept complaining and pretending she was dying from hunger on and on until finally I said "You want to eat family style OK!" , then I pulled into the first driveway  I saw. I stopped the car and said “they look like they're having dinner, go eat with them!  I ‘ll wait.”. She was mortified and screamed for me to get us out of there as the family in the house saw our car pull up and began gathering at the window trying to see who we were. 
Later, I believe we ate at Red Lobster, yep nothing like a fall trip with my sister.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Is it bad that I always think I hear the ice-cream man?

So WTF people?....
The other day I went to lunch with my mother in-law and Gina. Mom had heard from a few friends that this tavern had great seafood.
While driving there, I thought  Tavern, "um not the kind of place normally associated with Gina’s mom but whatever".
Arriving into the empty parking lot, walking passed the dirty chairs and ashtray on the front porch and then stepping onto what must have been a 200 year old stained rug we were greeted with” Sit anywhere”.
Our first table option had dirty dishes on it. It was clear that this was not a place known for decor or cleanliness.  So we just sat at the first table we thought might be hepatitis free.
OK, we all thought it , but no one wanted to say it “Run!” let’s get the fuck otta here. 

Then, the waiter/bartender  left his one bar patron and their conversation, just long enough to waddle over and take our order .Lets call him shiny, as he never said his name, He a middle aged Archie Bunker type, a portly fellow with a  red  shiny face  . I wondered if he thought us very out of placePersonally,  I felt as if we had wandered into deliverance.

So, we perused the place mat that conveniently doubled as a menu. Mom and I thought fried shrimp, you can’t really go wrong with that . I’m the kind of gal who could eat a shoe, if it were fried. Gina went the clams over pasta route.
While waiting,I searched the walls for that welcoming sign that at least this year the board of health  saw this place fit, It wasn’t  there!
Do I really have to say it?  The food was awful, Gina was the first to say it, and while trying to desperately save her meal ,she asked shiny  for some red pepper.  Shiny surprised us all with this.
Plunk!    There it was....the be all and end all ...a red pepper container possibly from the seventies ,with enough dirt accumulated on it to warrant and archaeological dig ,possibly finding Jimmy Hoffa or the Lindbergh baby.


While Gina tried to keep her mother from fainting, I was certain a bad shrimp went down my throat.
We all agreed to leave, mom called Shiny over and told him how awful everything was, and that  the container sent us over the edge. All he could muster was a halfhearted "sorry."
While waiting for our bill, Shiny must have had trouble with his abacus ,the lone man at the bar yelled to shiny he’d be back "just running out for a hoagie.So many red flags....
Just then the kitchen door opened and out came a filthy, buck toothed ,acne stricken, probably  banjo playing teen. I thought to myself, I just saw the Fry Master who can fuck up  shrimp. He was followed shortly thereafter buy a shifty looking  dirty ,middle aged ,America's most wanted drifter type man in a dirty apron.

Moral to this story .....  
 1.  My mother in-law’s friends hate her and are trying to kill her.  
 2.  Give people enough booze and they will eat anything. 
 3.   I should really listen to my little voice, especially when I hear banjos.

Note:  Mom called to complain, and  one of the owner ‘s told her he would have to talk to the other owner, as he was the one there when we were...... humm , I  wonder if he was the America’s most wanted drifter…….

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Teeny ,Tiny shark attack......

Blogging from misfit Island

So, last week was shark week and my family and I really enjoy what new discoveries have been made from last year. I have already shared the face to shadow encounter I had one summer growing up.
But, watching last week, I was reminded of the time my best friend (who did not care for animals in the slightest) came over.
We were teens hanging out in my room playing records....note: records are vinyl disks with deep groves and a hole in the center, when played on a machine called a hifi or stereo, music can be heard, in this case it was The Boss (Bruce Springsteen).

 At first she was looking at my posters of Parker Stevenson and Andy Gibb hanging on my wall, then she noticed my ten gallon fish tank. In those days tanks where nothing but a metal frame and glass walls, this one didn’t even have a hood.
“Why would anyone want to have stupid fish” she said. "They aren’t stupid" I explained, "They're kind of cool, like that one that’s a red tip shark” note : not really a shark a type of catfish but it looks like a two and a half inch shark.
“A shark!" Her voice broke, like the Jaws kind? Only you would have Jaws as a pet”.
Laughing, “No silly” , I said, “He doesn’t bite, he’s not really a shark just looks like one, go ahead check him out".
Just as I said that,she looked into the top of the tank,suddenly that fish launched itself into the air right at her head. She screamed! I screamed! I could not believe what happened .I never saw a fish do that. I mean right at her head! Then plop, right on my rug,while she leaped onto my bed still screaming, I managed to stop laughing, just long enough to scoop him up and return him to the tank.
 He never did that again.