I
have never met a spider who sang like Debbie Reynolds, or sang at all.
Nope never!
The only spiders I meet are big, scary, jumping
creepy types that make webs big enough
to catch birds. This year has been the worst, every day there’s another record
sized arachnid waiting to scare the shit out of me. I hate them, all my life they have tormented
me. Growing up, house spiders would gather at night on the ceiling around the
hallway light. If I had to go to the bathroom at night I would run as fast as I
could so they wouldn’t fall on me. I could hear them laughing and making fun of
my pajamas.
I once gave my car to some kids in my apartment complex
because I jumped out of it when a black jumping spider popped out of the sun visor.
On one occasion, home alone in my new house I had taken a
shower then went into the kitchen for a drink. Standing at the sink I spied
a large spider crawling across floor. I froze, "oh my God he’s getting away",the only thing worse than a spider, is a lost spider! So using the only thing
near me, I grabbed the water sprayer and started squirting it, all that did was
wet the floor and make the spider run faster. In a panic not to lose him, I
gathered up my courage, ran over and stomped on him BOOM!
Unfortunately, the wet
floor and my slippers caused me to fly into and then out of the backdoor.
Stunned, I laid sprawled out on the
landing, that's when I realized that not only was there
spider guts on my leg, but that my bathrobe hadn’t made the trip with me.
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