Thursday, September 27, 2012
What ever happened to Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web?
I have never met a spider who sang like Debbie Reynolds, or sang at all.
The only spiders I meet are big, scary, jumping creepy types that make webs big enough to catch birds. This year has been the worst, every day there’s another record sized arachnid waiting to scare the shit out of me. I hate them, all my life they have tormented me. Growing up, house spiders would gather at night on the ceiling around the hallway light. If I had to go to the bathroom at night I would run as fast as I could so they wouldn’t fall on me. I could hear them laughing and making fun of my pajamas.
I once gave my car to some kids in my apartment complex because I jumped out of it when a black jumping spider popped out of the sun visor.
On one occasion, home alone in my new house I had taken a shower then went into the kitchen for a drink. Standing at the sink I spied a large spider crawling across floor. I froze, "oh my God he’s getting away",the only thing worse than a spider, is a lost spider! So using the only thing near me, I grabbed the water sprayer and started squirting it, all that did was wet the floor and make the spider run faster. In a panic not to lose him, I gathered up my courage, ran over and stomped on him BOOM!
Unfortunately, the wet floor and my slippers caused me to fly into and then out of the backdoor. Stunned, I laid sprawled out on the landing, that's when I realized that not only was there spider guts on my leg, but that my bathrobe hadn’t made the trip with me.