Thursday, September 27, 2012

What ever happened to Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web?

  I have never met a spider who sang like Debbie Reynolds, or sang at all.


Nope never! 
The only spiders I meet are big, scary, jumping creepy types that make webs big  enough to catch birds. This year has been the worst, every day there’s another record sized arachnid waiting to scare the shit out of me.  I hate them, all my life they have tormented me. Growing up, house spiders would gather at night on the ceiling around the hallway light. If I had to go to the bathroom at night I would run as fast as I could so they wouldn’t fall on me. I could hear them laughing and making fun of my pajamas.
I once gave my car to some kids in my apartment complex because I jumped out of it when a black jumping spider popped out of the sun visor.
On one occasion, home alone in my new house I had taken a shower then went into the kitchen for a drink. Standing at the sink I spied a large spider crawling across floor. I froze, "oh my God he’s getting away",the only thing worse than a spider, is a lost spider! So using the only thing near me, I grabbed the water sprayer and started squirting it, all that did was wet the floor and make the spider run faster. In a panic not to lose him, I gathered up my courage, ran over and stomped on him BOOM!
 Unfortunately, the wet floor and my slippers caused me to fly into and then out of the backdoor. Stunned, I laid sprawled out on the landing, that's when I realized that not only was there spider guts on my leg, but that my bathrobe hadn’t made the trip with me.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Happy Fall

I love this time of year, cooler daytime temperatures and snugly nighttime’s.
Here’s Bernie’s bed, notice  how empty it is......

Now, here’s my bed ...... ummmm, yea he’s not allowed on my bed ...

Every night I tuck him in his bed, cover him with his blanket and every morning I wake up spooning him!

Anyway, getting back to fall, growing up my sister and I used to take rides to look at the changing leaves.
We often made our way to Lancaster, PA. Up hills and down one lane roadways, getting lost in strange small towns. My sister had heard the Amish never had their photos taken because they thought it would steal there souls, she also heard they pinned their clothes together instead of using buttons. I don’t know if any of that was true, but every time we passed a horse drown covered Amish carriage she’d hang out the car window brandishing her camera, trying to snag her some Amish soul.
Then, she thought we should  ride through "Amish Townwith a giant magnet,  collecting all their pins and leaving a town full of half-naked Amish in our wake. Luckily for the Amish we never could find a giant magnet!!
On this particular trip my sister really wanted to eat in a family style restaurant as was very popular in that area. I had eaten family style on a trip with my parents years ago. It was horrible, being that I have a tricky stomach and don’t really like many things, family style dinning is risky at best. My father  brought us there with his grandparents and wanted to make a good impression, so through her smile, my mother pinched me and growled for me not to complain.
We were seated with other  people, which I hated because being small everyone wanted to look at me and ask me ,“how old are you ?”,“what grade are you in?", shit like that. Well, the hooded women started plunking down plates and bowls of food for the table. I ordered a cup of tea because they didn’t have soda. I watched as the dishes passed by for something, anything I could eat. Plate after plate nothing appealed to  me but I was starving! Finally, I spied a bowl of corn! YES ! I love corn! When the bowl finally made its way to me I picked up the spoon and looked into the bowl only to find a dead fly in it! Just as I saw it so did my mother, I looked at her ready to blow my top but as always, she did not want to make what she called a scene and once again through her smile I knew to say nothing.
Well, at least I had a bit of hard bread and oh yes, my tea, unfortunately  the teabag had broken in my cup and I resigned myself to bread and water.
So, you see why when my sister asked if we could eat in a family style restaurant, I freaked out.
I drove for miles passing every family style restaurant by. While I drove, my sister kept complaining and pretending she was dying from hunger on and on until finally I said "You want to eat family style OK!" , then I pulled into the first driveway  I saw. I stopped the car and said “they look like they're having dinner, go eat with them!  I ‘ll wait.”. She was mortified and screamed for me to get us out of there as the family in the house saw our car pull up and began gathering at the window trying to see who we were. 
Later, I believe we ate at Red Lobster, yep nothing like a fall trip with my sister.